This makes me think. The prompt does not tell me what to relate this to. It's a little vague...which I'm sure is intentional. What did I give up? Well it mostly depends on what aspect of my life you are asking about. I gave up sleep to have children. I gave up drinking when I realized I was drinking too much, too often. I gave up sugar soda when I started WW the first time. I gave up loose fitting clothes when I decided to eat my emotions.
I was talking with a friend this morning about giving myself completely to God. So I'm going to tell you what I gave up when I did that because that one is a completely glorious feeling. Disclaimer: I'm not perfect at it. I still worry when I should pray. I still stumble and need to pick myself back up. I still get angry and yell even though I continue to pray for more patience and less anger. I still feel guilty about things that I no longer have any control over. I still hear my mistakes and continue to ask forgiveness even though I know it's already been given.
I have always been a believer. I have always known that God had given His son for our salvation. I have always told people that they needed to ask forgiveness for the things they had done in their life and that they would be forgiven. I have always believed that if you believed in Jesus, you would go to Heaven. Until recently, that was a belief that I held for others but not myself. I held onto things that I didn't think I deserved to even ask for forgiveness for. I know these were things that I would tell others they weren't their fault or things that they could ask forgiveness for and all would be well. The core problem was that I didn't believe that I had the right to ask for forgiveness. I didn't believe that I was worthy of the forgiveness.
And then, one day I did. There were events that led up to it that I won't go into but I was in a really dark place in my life. The lowest place that I had been in probably my entire life. This was kind of a one of those times that was life or death for me. I don't know what would have happened for me if I hadn't gone to church that day.
It was Sunday morning and we were having communion. The pastor said the same thing he said every communion day. "If you have given yourself to God and accepted him into your life, please come up." I had not taken communion prior to this. I didn't believe that I was worthy. This day, I felt a calmness come over me. I heard a voice from within me (I truly believe was Him) saying "it's time to let go." Silent tears fell from my eyes and I gave it all to Him. All of it. I gave Him all of the things I had never been able to give Him because I didn't feel worthy. I felt a peace that I had never before felt. I felt a worthiness that I had never before felt. I was 36 years old and for the first time in a very long time, I felt a love that I didn't know existed.
So what did I give up? I gave up years of guilt. I gave up guilt for things I had no control over. I gave up so much worry about things I couldn't do anything about. Mostly, I gave up feeling unworthy. I gave up feeling doomed. I gave up being a hypocrite and realized that there is nothing I can do that can turn Him away from me. I gave up the need to be perfect. I gave up myself so that I could truly be a child of God.
What I got, what I have now, is so much more. I am blessed with having been able to give it all up.
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