I know I have not been keeping up with this as often as I should. Apparently, I don't make a very good "blogger." The last month has been an extremely difficult one. I have felt the loss of Anitra to the very core of my being. I have had so many emotions, thoughts, outburts, etc...I had no idea that a person's heart could break so much and still keep beating. I had no idea that my heart could break so much and I'd still WANT to keep living, but I do and I will and I will keep those with us "living" as much as possible too. I know she is here with us. I can feel her. She even messes with us sometimes...even if some people think we're nuts for saying so!
Reyanne turned 7!! It was a big moment at our house. She was very excited as we planned her party and Tai helped her plan her cake. Tai made her a beautiful and yummy tiger cake. The party was all planned for Skate Zone and she was SO excited! Then the snow came.
I was sleeping peacefully when Genna came in and announced VERY loudly and very sadly that it was just awful outside and she couldn't see out the window! Up I got and sure enough...we were in the middle of a freaking blizzard. Rey announced that it was no longer her birthday. She was devastated. That is, until I told her that just meant that she got to have two birthday celebrations, two cakes, two special days. She perked right up then! She got to turn 7 and spend the day with her family. Everyone had to be nice to her. I made her breakfast for dinner so she could have those "yummy pancakes and super yummy potato things (hashbrowns-the girl seriously loves them!).
We had her party on the 23rd. While we were planning her party, I was struggling with the fact that her mommy was not going to be there. I think a part of me was relieved not to have to have the party that day. I wanted her mom there so much. By allowing us to celebrate her day without everyone there, I was able to have my sad moments in private. She had a blast at her party! The kids all had so much fun and I am so thankful that so many were able to come. So many of the kids that feel like family to her were there. Thank you Danielle, Leah, and Desirea for that. (I'm sure I didn't spell someone's name right!) April, Steve, Bailey were able to be there. Some friends for me, some friends for Rythm, family...it was a great day. I only cried once! :) OH...and Tai was not forced to make another tiger cake. We opted for cupcakes this time, although I'm not sure they were any less work. She does a truly amazing job.
Genna finally got to have her birthday party also. As most of you know, her birthday is in December. We try not to have a party in that month because heck, who has the extra time and can afford the extra gift! We try to have her party in late January. This year, that poor girl had to wait all the way until March 17th! I think she thought it was worth it though. She had a very special day at Paint Yourself Silly with her friends, Tai, and mom and dad. Crap...that just now reminded me that their pieces are done and I need to pick them up...adding that to my list now! Tai made a super cute bear cake for that one. Did I mention she does an amazing job?!
My birthday is next. I've struggled with that one. I am afraid if I have a birthday, it's somehow a sign that I'm "moving on." It's not that I don't want to hurt less, it's just the term "moving on" sounds extremely cold to me. I'm working on it. At any rate, I have decided that my birthday can come and we can celebrate. I am not afraid of getting older but I do not wish to be any different age without her. So in light of that, please everyone remember that I will forever be 35. I can't be 36, 37, 40, 45, 50, and on without her. Not yet.
We will be celebrating my day by going to see the new Wizard of Oz movie. I think the kids will really like that and it'll be fun. No cake for me, as I prefer peanut butter rice krispie treats, minus the chocolate, but I'm sure Tai will decorate them beautifully as well.
Well that's about it for now. I could promise to do better about updates in the future but I'm really working on not making promises I can't keep. Love you to all!
