Instructions

Treyson was just a brand new baby...probably 6 months old. I don't remember exactly. Here's what I do remember...

I had a scheduled surgery to have my tubes tied. Steve and I arrived very early in the morning at the surgical center. I got changed into my hospital gown, had my IV, all the fun surgery prep stuff. The anesthesiologist came into the room and started asking all of his questions. Then he said "have you had anything to eat or drink since...?"  

I had! I totally forgot and took my medication that morning and had drank water. I told them. He and the surgeon went out in the hallway and moments later came in and told me they couldn't do the surgery. They told me that I could reschedule it for another day. They said it didn't matter if I had only a little bit to drink. When you have surgery, you can aspirate (you can look that up if you really want to know what it means) and aspiration is pretty serious so that is why they tell you not to eat or drink for so many hours before you have surgery. 

I'm sure the doctor had told me that before I went in for surgery. I'm sure that I had my list of things to do and not to do. I am sure I completely forgot about them in the moment that I was taking my medication. 

We left the surgical center pretty bummed. I had complications staying pregnant, we felt really blessed to have had Trey but pregnancy came with it's own set of troubles. I had to have c-sections, I had high-risk pregnancies. I miscarried a lot (6 in total). I had pretty bad postpartum depression. I think I was just emotionally exhausted. I also felt like we had kind of dodged a bullet with Trey because up until the moment he was born, we were told there was a fairly good chance he'd be born with a hole in his heart and they would life-flight him to Lincoln for surgery. Fortunately, there was no hole. 

We also left the surgical center with the feeling that maybe God was telling us something. We certainly weren't planning to have another baby at that point but maybe He had bigger plans for us. 

Thank God for messed up plans. Thank God that sometimes I forget to follow instructions. I can't imagine our world without our Genevieve. I wouldn't even want to. 

Life Consequences

There's a moment when you just realize that no matter what you say or do, you can't change "it" for someone you love.

You can't live their lives or make their mistakes or take their consequences.

You can't take away their pain and frustrations and struggles because of the choices they have made.

You can't fix it for them and you know that any attempts you make to "fix" it, really just hinder that person.

That moment is a hard one to absorb.

I want nothing more than to protect the people I love. I want to protect them from the thoughts and actions of themselves. I want to protect them from the thoughts and actions of others. That's not always possible.

I learned something though. Throughout it all, just as my parents had to learn, and just as their parents had to learn, each one of us has to do what we are going to do in life. And each one of us is going to have consequences for those things.

That doesn't mean that we stop trying to prevent them. It doesn't mean we say "just do whatever you want." It means that we accept people for who they are and the choices that they make. It means that no matter what, I'm going to love you.

This sounds like it's directed at my kids, and while a lot of it is, that's not all. It's directed at all the people in my life that I love and care about. It applies to everyone that I come into contact with.

I'm not judging you. I'm not condeming you. I'm just loving you. Because through it all, that's the only thing I know how to do.

Slow Down

You have to listen to this song...It's beautiful and it sums it all up...and now I want her to breathe in each and every experience. To make the absolute most out of this journey and do it all. Dream so big you can't see the top and then just keep dreaming. You will never in your life have this opportunity to be exactly where you are right now in this exact spot in your life. And it's okay that you're a little bit home sick...just keep breathing. 

And to my younger children, maybe slow down a little bit because your mom realizes just how quickly it does go and it will be your turn soon enough. Let me hold you a little tighter for that bedtime hug because there will come a day when you won't be here for one because you'll be out living YOUR dream. 

It's been a while...new chapter

Like a really long while...I could try to catch up but that would be a really long post so I'll just start where we are...

In 3 days we leave to start Tai on her new chapter. Tai will be attending culinary arts school in Hyde Park, NY. She'll be at the Culinary Institute of America in NY. NY!! Can you believe it?? We are so incredibly proud of her and happy for her...and sad that she's leaving. 

I find myself stuff sad that they grow up too fast and too slowly all at the same time. I guess that's what happens when you still have little ones at home. Little ones who are old enough to know better but young enough to still have to be told over and over again. 

These feelings are all...well, feelings...a lot of them...a lot of conflicting ones...a lot of roller coaster ones. Happiness and excitement for the road trip and the adventure that she is about to embark on; sad ones because I still am not sure how I'm actually going to be able to drive away with her still there. I have a feeling this week will go too slow and too fast all at the same time. 

So Thursday, at this time, we will be somewhere near South Bend, Indiana. Half way to Hyde Park. It'll be Steve, Tai, G, and me. The others will stay with Grandma Cindy and keep things running here. I'm sure they will have their own adventures and stories to tell while we are gone. 

We took 5 of the 6 kids to NY during Spring Break so that we could check out the campus and everyone could see where she was going to be. It was a really great trip...I'll post more about that later. 

Wish me luck with all these feelings...