They/Them

Nonbinary, in the most basic of definitions, is used to describe someone who isn't exclusively male or female. Nonbinary does not mean transgender but can mean transgender.

My child has come out as being non-binary. They would like us to use an abbreviated name and to use the pronouns "they" and "them" when referring to them. I love my child. I want them to be able to find a peace in their life that seems to be missing.

I want to have a better understanding of the terms used to describe non-binary people. Terms like gender dysphoria and transgender and gender fluid. I want to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible so that I can educate people who may attack my child and their lifestyle. I want to be able to passionately and intelligently have a conversation with those who don't support my child. I don't want to just be that "crazy momma bear" because I can already to that.

I want to learn what makes my child most comfortable. I want my child to know that I am a safe haven and that I will always defend them. I want my child to know that they do not need to worry about doing what makes me comfortable but that it's my job to support them in being comfortable.

I will continue to research this topic. I will continue to ask for help in finding the answers I need. I will continue to find resources for my child so that they have a better understanding of what this means to them. They may find out that this isn't actually the term that describes them best. They may find out that this is the term they have been looking for to describe themselves for years.

Somebody recently said, "I don't really know what to say about this disclosure." I thought about that for a minute. You know what, you don't have to say anything about the disclosure; you only have to treat my child with respect that they are asking for.

Halloween

Remember the little plastic Halloween costumes? They body of it was plastic and then it was topped up with a plastic mask with cut out holes for your eyes and mouth. I can't tell you how many of those I have worn. I distinctly remember being Barbie one year. We'd bundle up and put the costume up over our clothes and then put on the mask and we were set. We always had the little orange pumpkin candy buckets. Our parents would load us up and we'd make the stops to grandparents and then hit a few houses.

As we got older, our costumes evolved. No more plastic bodies. I remember being a California singing raisin one year. One year I was a carrot. The neighborhood was so alive on Halloween! All the kids were out on the sidewalks, all the houses were lit up waiting for trick-or-treaters (well, not that ONE house; every neighborhood had that ONE house that was dark and nobody would visit)!

When my kiddos were little we did the same things. We bundled them up, took them to see grandparents, took them door-to-door. For many years, we would take the kids to my sister's and the dads would take the kids trick-or-treating while the moms stayed back to hand out candy.

Now they're older. The kids go out on their own and the grown ups sit back and chat. We have a tradition now of 50 cent corn dogs from Sonic and tater tots. Kids grab food on their way to the next adventure or on the way to the fold up table to carve pumpkins. The neighbors join us.

Life is constantly changing. Everyone is on the move. It's nice that Halloween lets us all connect and move about in our circles creating new traditions and letting go of old ones that don't fit anymore. Still together, just in different spaces.