Old Traditions with New Style

 Wise words from Gordon. "Mom, I'm glad we can still do our traditions, even if they have to change a little bit." 

I was feeling a little bit bummed about our annual pumpkin carving because it was very different than years past. I've mentioned that we used to all go to Roca and then spend the next weekend carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds. It was a big event. All the kids participated and there was lots of mom being nervous about the knives and mess and dad saying, "they're old enough now to use the knife but do it like this." 

This year we had a much smaller crew. Two kiddos were working, one couldn't get down the stairs and was sleeping and people kind of worked in shifts. I sat on the deck holding the baby so he could "be a part of it" even though he's too little. I was also working on dinner and needed to be able to jump inside for that. 

Poppa helped the Tiny Human (we may have to come up with a new name soon). She completely designed what she wanted and then got all the seeds out of her white pumpkin. Poppa then carved it for her while she worked on climbing the fence. 

Jake worked diligently on carving out a pumpkin for pics for Wyn to sit in and have an epic photo shoot. The photo shoot hasn't been done yet but I'll be sure to share pics when it has been. 

Gordon & Tai seemed to have the most fun picking designs for their brother's pumpkins and then Gordon decided that every good pumpkin clearly needed to be worn. 

Tai and I later cleaned all the pumpkin seeds and they will be roasted as soon as I remember to do so. Today they were left in the oven while the preheat was set for baking. I've heard they survived and at some point, I will actually need to roast them. 

Oh, and Sunday was nap day for some of us. 

Your Light

This picture came up in my FB memories today. I love the laugh and smile in your eyes. I wasn't there when the pics were taken but I can tell that whatever was going on was producing genuine happiness. Your senior year of high school. Your days should have been some of your best. I love seeing these because they remind me of the good times in your life. 

Rythm, how I wish that your life had turned out so much differently. How I wish that you had been able to accept the help and opportunities that were presented to you. How I wish that you had used the strength within you for the positive things in life instead of using it to just survive the next traumatic event. 

It's been almost exactly 2 years since we got that call. The one that we feared we would someday get but hoped wouldn't actually come. Not the one saying that you had died. Sometimes I think this call was worse than that. I know that probably sounds awful but some days it feels true. You're gone but your still here. 

There is a tremendous amount of grief in this situation. It's complex grief. It's mourning the loss of the life that you could have had, the loss of the life that you should have had. It's mourning with the people who love you and mourning with the people who still need you. It's the question of how we could have better prevented this type of life for you. It's the realization that you, and you alone, made the choices that put you where you are. It's the finality of the sentence that not only you must serve. 

I do believe that there is purpose in each thing that happens and your life isn't over yet and time will tell what you still have left to contribute to those around you and those on the outside still praying for you and still loving you through your darkest days. I don't know what the future holds for you. I don't know what the future holds for those that love you. I just know that there is still hope, there will always be hope, that this will allow you to live the new best life for you. The new reality of your actions and choices. 

The light does not have to be gone from your eyes. The laughter does not have to be gone from your soul. You still have so much to give the world. You still have the choice to make the best of this new life. It's not the one you wanted but it's the one you chose with your actions. I pray daily that you embrace the challenges of your life and heal from the trauma that others caused, and heal most importantly from the trauma that you caused. I pray that you find yourself and choose to live this new life. 

October 2022

 Life is crazy as always! 

Treyson continues to heal while resting (un)comfortably on our couch. For the record, all of our furniture is much too small for him so he hangs over the edges of each recliner that we have. The boy (man) is 6' 6" tall and while I'm sure they make furniture for his size, I surely don't own any. He hopes to be able to return to work next week but we'll see. He can't return until he is full weight-bearing so he's been working on that. The doctor doesn't want him to rush it so it's slow progress. He's frustrated but will get through this chapter too. 

We made a family trip to Roca. This is our annual event that we always do as a family. While we missed those that could not make it, it was fun adding a baby to the adventure. My work hosted us and it was a good time with roasted hot dogs and s'mores. My absolutely favorite part is riding the hayrack and going out to pick out pumpkins. We made a rule when the kids were little that they could only pick pumpkins that they could carry. Tiny Human knew exactly which one she wanted and she took me on a hike to pick it out. She carried that thing all the way back and was very proud of herself. We will carve next weekend and roast up all the pumpkin seeds. Yummy!

Baby Boy continues to grow and keep mom and dad on their toes! He hasn't figured out yet that he's supposed to sleep alone or at night but he's getting there. They are doing great with him and we've only gotten to watch him a couple of short times so they can have dinner or go to the store. Poppa and Grammy are very much looking forward to having him more and more the bigger he gets. Seriously though, I cannot express how proud I am of these "kids" and the way they work together to get through the newborn madness! They are a truly beautiful team.

Gordon is half-way done with his first semester of school! Yay! It's been hard. I know there have been moments where he's thought "wtf?!" but he keeps going and keeps fighting. I know this will get easier for him. He just will continue to focus on the end goal. Oh, and he misses my cooking and that makes me feel AMAZING! We will host him and his friends for Thanksgiving this year because it's a short break and not all his buddies can get home. 

Ariez is home for good. While it's sad that he won't be able to continue his program with JobCorps, I believe that he learned a lot. JC was where he needed to be and grow and now home is where that needs to be. He has been applying for jobs and has 2 interviews soon. He and Trey have plans to become roommates and Trey has even been helping him with the job application process. I love them both and while they are always welcome home, it will be nice to see them spread their wings and be out together. 

Rey just keep pushing along with plans to graduate a year early. She has worked super hard to get where she is concerning credits and we are super proud of her for doing so. Even if she decides not to graduate in May, she'll have done a lot of work to get where she wants to go. 

Well...this was supposed to be a short little update but I never want to leave anyone out so it became long! Thanks for being on this journey with us!