"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

When you lose someone you love, you are left with a lot of questions. You are left with a lot of doubt. You are left with all the what ifs. You are left with a lot of why's.

The biggest question for me is always "did this person know how much I loved them?" "Did this person really love me?" "Did this person know how much they meant to me?" "Does this person have any idea how losing them would change life?"

I don't know the answers to those questions. I've lost grandparents, an aunt, babies taken to heaven too soon, friends, a sibling. I've lost people contact with people that I sometimes ask the same types of questions about. We all lose loved ones; I know I'm not alone in that.

Unanswered questions are a tough one for me. I like answers. I like things wrapped up neatly with little bows. Life is not about things being wrapped up neatly. Loss is not about little bows. Life and loss are about the unanswered parts. Life and loss are about not getting to know those things. It's about trying your hardest, and praying you succeeded, in letting the people you love know how much you love them.

I just looked up the lyrics to "If Tomorrow Never Comes" by Garth Brooks. That song truly does say it best.  "Cause I've lost loved ones in the past, who never knew how much I loved them..." How true is that lyric? We've all lost people, for a multiple of reasons, and we have all wondered "did they know?"

It's hard to imagine that they did. It's hard to imagine that you really showed them every day how much they meant to you. Even if you did, and most of us do, you're left with that question. We don't ask people how they would feel if tomorrow never came. We don't ask them if they feel like they were loved enough by us. We don't ask them if they would doubt our love for them if we weren't there next day. We don't ask them if they would doubt what our love for them was.

We like to think that all the people we love will always be there. That's not realistic. We lose people. We lose people to death, through life taking different courses, through ended friendships. I don't live in an alternate universe. I know I will continue to lose people. I hope it's not for many years to come and I certainly hope it's me before my children.

Mostly, I hope that when that time comes, when my tomorrow never comes, they will know how much I loved them. I hope I will know how much they loved me when their tomorrow never comes.