A little backstory...

I'm going to start with a very brief back story. I'll try to keep this short.

On Sept. 13, 2012 my best friend, my 2nd oldest sister took her own life. Anitra had been mentally ill for a very long time. She had attempted suicide many times in the past and she had just left the mental health hospital the day before she completed suicide. There is so much to go with that story that I could simply blog about that. I'm sure I will go into pieces of that more in future posts.

My friend had some very wise words to say about this suicide. Lee David told me that he had never understood suicide before Anitra's passing. He said that he always viewed it as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When Anitra took her life, he said it finally made sense. At least in this case. He said her troubles weren't temporary. A huge part of me completely agrees with this. I believe, and hope I always do, that her decision to end her life was the most peaceful decision she had been able to make in a very long time. I believe that she was finally at peace and was no longer scared, worried, or manic.

For now, Anitra's story is not the intent of this journey. Our life now is the intent of this written journey.  My sister left behind 3 beautiful children, ages 16, 12, and 6. They do not have real fathers in their lives and my sister had always felt very strongly that if she couldn't care for them, she wanted my husband and I too. We look at these children as a gift. These children, with all their "luggage" are the most amazing gifts that my sister had to give and she bestowed us with them. I will forever be grateful for that act. My 16 year old niece lives with my mother and step-father while the other two children live with us. Rythm will always be a part of our family but for the time being has decided not to live in the chaos of our home.

Steve and I have 3 biological children. My 15 year old from a previous marriage and a 12 year old, and a 9 year old.

One thing grief, and parenting 5 children, has taught me is to be more patient with myself. I have lost a lot of focus, short-term memory, and everyday things that I totally took for granted. Writing about our daily life will hopefully allow me to retain some of the feelings and memories that we are living through everyday. To be honest, I also find a huge sense of relief in getting stuff out there without having to talk about how I'm feeling.

If you are taking the time read this, I thank you. It's certainly not anything grand or special but it's our life and how we survive each new day.