Hate Won't Fix Us

 Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that there are cops that wake up in the morning and say, "I'm going to kill a person of color today." 

And yet, I know that people of color die at a much higher rate than white kids at the hands of police. 

Why? Why are people of color scarier and perceived as a higher threat than white people? I've seen the documentaries. I've read the articles. I've heard people talk about it. I still don't understand it. Why is my black son a threat when he stands 5'8" at 110 pounds while my white son is 6'7" at 300 pounds not? 

Looting, violence, and rioting don't seem to be the answer but neither does peaceful protest or standing in silence or meeting upon meeting. Baby steps are sometimes made and then giant backslides occur and not only are we no better off, but we appear to be worse off than before. 

I have heard "it's so much better than before" and that might be true but should we really be judging our progress by segregation in the 60's? In the 60's were they saying, "look at how much better it is than before, slavery was abolished." Shouldn't we be further? Don't we one day get to plant the flag and declare a victory in justice and equality for all? If not the years in the past and the cries of today, then when? Will my children have to teach their children that "I will always defend you so please don't make me bury you?" Wouldn't it be better if my children could say, "look at what the generation before us did to eliminating racism."

I don't know the answer. I don't know the hearts of the people who do the killing. I don't know the hearts of the people making the laws. I know that my heart is broken for another dead person of color. I know that my body is sick of trying to understand it and looking for ways to fix it. I won't stop. I will not stop learning as much as I can and advocating for those that can't advocate for themselves, or for those whose voices don't seem to matter as much as mine, a white woman in her 40's. I'll stand in front, beside, and behind those that need me to help have their voice heard. I'll continue to teach my children and my grandchildren that BLACK LIVES MATTER and that hate will not fix us, only love can do that. Love of ALL people who may not look like us, may not sound like us, may not have the same story as us.