It's Okay to Start Over

As I continue my journey through life, and through "The Purpose Driven Life", and my journey through new challenges, and my latest battle with overwhelming anxiety, I realize that I am forever going to be a work in progress. I am learning hard things about myself, about my relationships with others; not bad things always but learning things about how I thought I was treating people versus how I was actually treating people. I'm learning why I was doing some things versus how I thought I was doing things and how I want to do them going forward.

Don't get me wrong...I know that there is a lot of good in me. There's a lot of good in the things I do and have done. I simply want to make sure I'm intentional in those things. Love more selflessly, be more graceful, lead with a fuller heart, foster healthier relationships.  I want to continue to do those things that I do that are beautiful and with God present and I also want to grow and learn new, selfless ways to love and lead.

I have a tendency to learn things about myself and then just feel really crappy about all the wrong ways I was doing things. I hold onto my sins and my mistakes as a declaration of reasons why I am "unloveable, undeserving, not good enough, etc..." I can continue to do that, or I could forgive myself as God forgives us and be steadfast in doing better. I could allow myself the same grace that God allows me and the same grace that I allow other people. That seems like a harder, but healthier and more productive option.

I saw this great quote once that said, "if we want to get someplace we've never been, we must be willing to do something we've never done." That might not be exactly how the saying goes but you get the idea. I say this often to my husband when we take intentional time to really grow together as a couple. I say this as I begin my "quit smoking journey" and my new "lifestyle/menu/eating journey." And now I'm saying this to myself on my "spiritual journey."

I am on a life-long journey and I am not defined only by my past. I am defined by what I choose to do with the things I learn and my willingness and ability to change and continuously be a better me than I was the day before. I know that I will stumble along the way. I want to be able to accept that and just keep going. I want to have the knowledge, ability, and courage to say "it's okay" and start all over again.