God is Bigger than Anything That is Put in My Path

God is bigger than anything that is put in my path. Why do I have so much trouble remembering that? Why do I feel like I need constant reassurance that everything is, and is going to be, just fine. All things will be in His way. I trust in Him and I believe in Him. My anxiety that feeds my insecurities clearly do not feel the same way.

Sometimes it feels like no breath I take is big enough.

I read, and re-wrote, "God doesn't give you the answers while you're in the middle of the test." I know that. What I don't know is how much of it is a test. I feel like I've walked into History class feeling prepared for a test, only to find out that the test is in Algebra.

Sometimes it feels like I'm just barely treading water and that it'd be easier to just drown.

Sometimes it feels like God isn't hearing me and I'm sure that's because I'm not supposed to. I feel like I'm reaching for Him but not quite grasping it.

To be completely honest, I'm not patient. I want answers when I ask questions, I want to go when it's time to go, I want things done when I ask that they be done. Waiting for answers, healing, people in general, is not something I'm good with.

My husband tests my patience on an almost daily basis. Whether it be in his response to me, him slowly getting to the van, him not leaving when I think he should, his lack of timely responses to my texts and calls, you name it...he just pushes that button. It's not all his fault. A) My impatience is not his emergency and it shouldn't be; B) he's just a lot more laid back than I am; C) he is legit busy and works hard. Also, if we're being honest, my impatience probably feels a little bit like control.

I'm so clearly a work in progress. I know that I'm not easy to love or always easy to be with. I'm learning. I will keep praying, I will keep learning, I will keep growing.