Life is HAPPENING! All around me. Some of it I'm ready for and some of it I'm not but it's going to just keep happening so I better just live it!
I'm scheduling senior pictures for my first-born of me, and preparing in other ways for other things I never could have imagined. Some of it is so overwhelming and some of it just seems so natural.
Twenty years ago, I never could have imagined my life like this. I didn't do everything I was going to do but I did things I never thought I would do. I have lived things, and survived things, that I never could have imagined, or wanted to imagine.
Garth says "my life is better left to chance. I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance." This dance that he's talking about...oh wow! It's not all great but when you're really living it, it's worth it.
It doesn't mean I'm happy with everything. It just means that I'm just going to love my people and live my life. It means I'm going to have good days and really ugly, bad days. It means I'm going to cry and laugh, sometimes all at the same time. There are days that the basement is going to flood and there will be days we get popcorn for dinner.
I have been blessed with all this...life. It's been a ride for sure. I made a lot of mistakes and made a lot of really good choices. I have done a lot and there is so much more to do!
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
The Concert
Garth Brooks was...just wow. I can't really put it into words. I've tried for the last couple days to describe the experience that was his concert and I am struggling to find the words.
It really is so much more than a concert. It's an absolute experience. There was a concert at 7:00 and one at 10:30. We had the 10:30 tickets. The 7:00 concert went long so we waited outside, in 34 degree weather, until about 10:45 when they finally let us in. We were cold, wind blown, and had numb feet but it was all worth it.
He took the stage at midnight and didn't stop playing until almost 3:00 am. He gave 3 encores. He played his old stuff, the stuff that made him the star that he is. He only did 3 of his new songs. When he did the new songs, he put the words up on the screen so we could all sing along.
Trisha came out. She did a couple of songs. One of their back-up singers, who has this beyond amazing voice, did a number. He stood in proud support, and back up vocals, of both of them. He kissed his wife and you could feel their love.
Garth laughed with the crowd. He encouraged us, well demanded really, that we sing along. He never tried to outdo the crowd. He became a part of the crowd. He knew we'd all stood outside in the cold waiting to see him and he delivered to us like it was it was his first concert of a tour and not his second of the night.
One of the coolest things about Garth is that when he opens his mouth to sing, he sounds EXACTLY like his albums. He actually sounds better live than he does recorded. We've seen a lot of performers and they're not all like that. If you closed your eyes, it'd be hard to tell which was live and which was recorded. Except that with the live version, you feel this energy that is so hard to describe.
Someone asked me what my favorite song was that he did. I can't pick. I really can't. Each song felt like "THE BEST". Every time he'd start a song, I'd say to Steve "omg...I love this song!" "The Thunder Rolls" gave me goosebumps, "The Dance" made me cry, "The River" took me back to my high school graduation. Hearing Garth sing "hello Samantha dear I hope you're feeling fine..." (Callin' Baton Rouge) was...beyond cool...
So...apparently, I could the concernt into some words. It truly was an amazing experience and I would love to see him again and again.
It really is so much more than a concert. It's an absolute experience. There was a concert at 7:00 and one at 10:30. We had the 10:30 tickets. The 7:00 concert went long so we waited outside, in 34 degree weather, until about 10:45 when they finally let us in. We were cold, wind blown, and had numb feet but it was all worth it.
He took the stage at midnight and didn't stop playing until almost 3:00 am. He gave 3 encores. He played his old stuff, the stuff that made him the star that he is. He only did 3 of his new songs. When he did the new songs, he put the words up on the screen so we could all sing along.
Trisha came out. She did a couple of songs. One of their back-up singers, who has this beyond amazing voice, did a number. He stood in proud support, and back up vocals, of both of them. He kissed his wife and you could feel their love.
Garth laughed with the crowd. He encouraged us, well demanded really, that we sing along. He never tried to outdo the crowd. He became a part of the crowd. He knew we'd all stood outside in the cold waiting to see him and he delivered to us like it was it was his first concert of a tour and not his second of the night.
One of the coolest things about Garth is that when he opens his mouth to sing, he sounds EXACTLY like his albums. He actually sounds better live than he does recorded. We've seen a lot of performers and they're not all like that. If you closed your eyes, it'd be hard to tell which was live and which was recorded. Except that with the live version, you feel this energy that is so hard to describe.
Someone asked me what my favorite song was that he did. I can't pick. I really can't. Each song felt like "THE BEST". Every time he'd start a song, I'd say to Steve "omg...I love this song!" "The Thunder Rolls" gave me goosebumps, "The Dance" made me cry, "The River" took me back to my high school graduation. Hearing Garth sing "hello Samantha dear I hope you're feeling fine..." (Callin' Baton Rouge) was...beyond cool...
So...apparently, I could the concernt into some words. It truly was an amazing experience and I would love to see him again and again.
Monday, January 5, 2015
The Size of A Fist
Here is a sample of a pretty common conversation at our house...
Child: "I love you mom."
Me: "I love you too."
Child: "I love you more."
Me: "My fist is bigger, so my heart is bigger, so I love you MORE."
(Known fact: The human heart is roughly the size of a fist.)
Last night's conversation...
Genna: "I love you mom."
Me: "I love you too Genna."
Genna: "I love you more mom. AND my hand is bigger than yours (it is!) and so my fist is bigger and so I love you MORE."
Me: "How can your hands have possibly gotten bigger than mine. I still love you more because I'm the mom."
This has been on my mind all day. My kids grew. Their legs grew, their feet grew, their arms grew, and yes, even their hands grew. Some of the kids have outgrown me. Some of the kids are close to outgrowing me. Some of the kids will outgrow me someday. Some of them won't.
My love grew too. I didn't know I could love them more than the day I first met them. Much like I didn't know that meeting them would make my love for them grow more than it was when I carried them in my womb. It's a love that grows every day, even when I don't like what they are doing.
Thank you "google" because I needed a way to combat this "heart is bigger" business and I didn't know exactly how to explain to them that I would always love them more. It's a love that I can't even really explain to myself. Well for now I'm safe because according to Google, "a child's heart is roughly the size of a fist. An adults heart is roughly the size of TWO fists!"
So for now...
Mom: "I love YOU more because according to google, MY heart is twice the size of yours."
Child: "I love you mom."
Me: "I love you too."
Child: "I love you more."
Me: "My fist is bigger, so my heart is bigger, so I love you MORE."
(Known fact: The human heart is roughly the size of a fist.)
Last night's conversation...
Genna: "I love you mom."
Me: "I love you too Genna."
Genna: "I love you more mom. AND my hand is bigger than yours (it is!) and so my fist is bigger and so I love you MORE."
Me: "How can your hands have possibly gotten bigger than mine. I still love you more because I'm the mom."
This has been on my mind all day. My kids grew. Their legs grew, their feet grew, their arms grew, and yes, even their hands grew. Some of the kids have outgrown me. Some of the kids are close to outgrowing me. Some of the kids will outgrow me someday. Some of them won't.
My love grew too. I didn't know I could love them more than the day I first met them. Much like I didn't know that meeting them would make my love for them grow more than it was when I carried them in my womb. It's a love that grows every day, even when I don't like what they are doing.
Thank you "google" because I needed a way to combat this "heart is bigger" business and I didn't know exactly how to explain to them that I would always love them more. It's a love that I can't even really explain to myself. Well for now I'm safe because according to Google, "a child's heart is roughly the size of a fist. An adults heart is roughly the size of TWO fists!"
So for now...
Mom: "I love YOU more because according to google, MY heart is twice the size of yours."
Monday, December 29, 2014
Yearly Family Update (My "Christmas" Letter)
I don't do Christmas cards, I'm not organized enough. I don't do Christmas letters for the same reason. So here's our year in review...starting youngest to oldest...
Rey...8 years old (HOW is that possible?!); 3rd grader. She suffered a trampoline neck injury that required x-rays. Thankfully she was just fine and needed a couple of days of ice/heat treatment to recover. Rey played volleyball this year for the first time. She seemed to have lots of fun. She had practices on Wed and a game on Sunday. She said she wants to play again! She also wants to play basketball and take dance and gymnastics. This girlie is going to keep me on the run!
Genna...11 years old; 5th grader. Genna is playing the trumpet this year and she also is in the choir. She played softball this summer, volleyball in the fall, and is ready for basketball this winter. She is our go-to sports girl. She loves to watch those Packers play with her daddy! She had to say goodbye to her bunny this year as someone just came right in the drive and stole him and his food! She was pretty heart-broken about that but healed in true Genna form. Genna is becoming this sweet young lady, right before our eyes! She is so tender-hearted!
Trey...14 years old; 8th grader. A big year for Trey! He broke his finger in PE and had to have surgery. That cast was NO fun! Trey made the Honor Roll! He was able to try his hand (the good one!) at drama this semester. He loved it and we loved getting the chance to see him in action. Turns out this kid has a great voice too. He was in the choir and at his concerts you could really hear him belting those chords out! He is getting ready for his 2nd year of debate and he and Ariez are getting ready for their 8th grade trip to Washington, D.C.
Ariez...14 years old; 8th grader. Ariez made the Honor Roll!! It was a big moment in our house. Ariez has grown 6 inches in the last 2 years. He is offically taller than Rythm! He could not be more excited about this! Ariez continues to make great strides. He is growing physically, emotionally, and spiritually and we are incredibly proud of him. Basketball try-outs start right after Christmas Break.
Tai...17 years old; 11th grader. Tai likes to constantly tell me how much longer she has until she's graduated. She has no idea that it makes me so really happy for her and so really sad all at the same time. She started working this summer at Culver's. She went to Culinary Arts camp at KCAI and won a $500 scholarship! She also won 1st place at District Cooking Comp at SCC. Tai had her first (and hopefully only) car accident this fall. Important, hard lessons were learned. Tai will continue to cook and share her amazing talent with us! Exciting things ahead!
Rythm...18 years old; freshman at SCC. Of course the big events are Rythm graduated from HS in May, got her first apartment in June, and started college in Oct. So many new life experiences for this young lady! It's weird not having her home all the time, but she does stop in every so often and that's nice. Rythm was home on Christmas Eve and came to Grandma's on Christmas Day. It truly fills my heart with joy to have all of them together again!
Steve...GRADUATED FROM UNK!!! We are so incredibly proud of him and all of his hard work. He celebrated 5 years with NelNet this year and he continues to move up in the company and is a supervisor. He's working 2nd shift right but we continue to pray that he will get 1st shift with no weekends. Prayers! Prayers! Prayers! Steve works hard to support us and we are proud of all of his hard work but we miss him and want him home when we are. We're not sure how he feels about not having any alone time if he gets 1st shift. :)
Me...8 years with W&R. I love my job and love the people I work for. I think we finally have me on a medication that is working well for me. This was my second year as a volunteer with the Red Cross as a communications specialist for the UNL Husker games. I love being in the stadium on Husker day and I love being able to offer my services, however limited they may be.
So that's us this year for the most part. There were highs and lows, as life always has for us. My children are growing up...and I'm getting wiser. I'm seeing just how much our family will continue to grow and though sometimes I feel sad that they really aren't little kids anymore, I am also joyful in the life that we are building and the fun and exciting ways our family moves and grows.
Rey...8 years old (HOW is that possible?!); 3rd grader. She suffered a trampoline neck injury that required x-rays. Thankfully she was just fine and needed a couple of days of ice/heat treatment to recover. Rey played volleyball this year for the first time. She seemed to have lots of fun. She had practices on Wed and a game on Sunday. She said she wants to play again! She also wants to play basketball and take dance and gymnastics. This girlie is going to keep me on the run!
Genna...11 years old; 5th grader. Genna is playing the trumpet this year and she also is in the choir. She played softball this summer, volleyball in the fall, and is ready for basketball this winter. She is our go-to sports girl. She loves to watch those Packers play with her daddy! She had to say goodbye to her bunny this year as someone just came right in the drive and stole him and his food! She was pretty heart-broken about that but healed in true Genna form. Genna is becoming this sweet young lady, right before our eyes! She is so tender-hearted!
Trey...14 years old; 8th grader. A big year for Trey! He broke his finger in PE and had to have surgery. That cast was NO fun! Trey made the Honor Roll! He was able to try his hand (the good one!) at drama this semester. He loved it and we loved getting the chance to see him in action. Turns out this kid has a great voice too. He was in the choir and at his concerts you could really hear him belting those chords out! He is getting ready for his 2nd year of debate and he and Ariez are getting ready for their 8th grade trip to Washington, D.C.
Ariez...14 years old; 8th grader. Ariez made the Honor Roll!! It was a big moment in our house. Ariez has grown 6 inches in the last 2 years. He is offically taller than Rythm! He could not be more excited about this! Ariez continues to make great strides. He is growing physically, emotionally, and spiritually and we are incredibly proud of him. Basketball try-outs start right after Christmas Break.
Tai...17 years old; 11th grader. Tai likes to constantly tell me how much longer she has until she's graduated. She has no idea that it makes me so really happy for her and so really sad all at the same time. She started working this summer at Culver's. She went to Culinary Arts camp at KCAI and won a $500 scholarship! She also won 1st place at District Cooking Comp at SCC. Tai had her first (and hopefully only) car accident this fall. Important, hard lessons were learned. Tai will continue to cook and share her amazing talent with us! Exciting things ahead!
Rythm...18 years old; freshman at SCC. Of course the big events are Rythm graduated from HS in May, got her first apartment in June, and started college in Oct. So many new life experiences for this young lady! It's weird not having her home all the time, but she does stop in every so often and that's nice. Rythm was home on Christmas Eve and came to Grandma's on Christmas Day. It truly fills my heart with joy to have all of them together again!
Steve...GRADUATED FROM UNK!!! We are so incredibly proud of him and all of his hard work. He celebrated 5 years with NelNet this year and he continues to move up in the company and is a supervisor. He's working 2nd shift right but we continue to pray that he will get 1st shift with no weekends. Prayers! Prayers! Prayers! Steve works hard to support us and we are proud of all of his hard work but we miss him and want him home when we are. We're not sure how he feels about not having any alone time if he gets 1st shift. :)
Me...8 years with W&R. I love my job and love the people I work for. I think we finally have me on a medication that is working well for me. This was my second year as a volunteer with the Red Cross as a communications specialist for the UNL Husker games. I love being in the stadium on Husker day and I love being able to offer my services, however limited they may be.
So that's us this year for the most part. There were highs and lows, as life always has for us. My children are growing up...and I'm getting wiser. I'm seeing just how much our family will continue to grow and though sometimes I feel sad that they really aren't little kids anymore, I am also joyful in the life that we are building and the fun and exciting ways our family moves and grows.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Graduation
I'm late...I'm always late...but...before I tell you about Christmas, I have to tell you about this AMAZING man!!
On 12/19, he graduated from UNK with his bachelor's in Fine Arts and Humanities. He now has a degree in organizational communication. I know there is another part to that degree, but in true Sam fashion, I am unable to recall exactly what it is.
Steve is dedicated for sure. He started college many years ago. He has pursued it through all of our life together. Our life has had ups and downs and so his schooling has had ups and downs.
He's never given up. He had to re-take some classes, get extensions, switch degrees, take some time off. He never gave up. He just came back stronger and more determined to get it done.
I made him walk across the stage. He didn't really want to. I told him he needed to. His parents needed to see him do that, his kids needed to see him do that. He needed to do it so it felt real for him. I think he kind of wanted to do it but doesn't like us to make a big deal out of him.
So we sat (for a really long time) and we watched him walk across that stage and get his diploma. We cheered loudly for him. We hugged him. We took pictures. We had a celebration lunch. We made a big deal out of him.
On 12/19, he graduated from UNK with his bachelor's in Fine Arts and Humanities. He now has a degree in organizational communication. I know there is another part to that degree, but in true Sam fashion, I am unable to recall exactly what it is.
Steve is dedicated for sure. He started college many years ago. He has pursued it through all of our life together. Our life has had ups and downs and so his schooling has had ups and downs.
He's never given up. He had to re-take some classes, get extensions, switch degrees, take some time off. He never gave up. He just came back stronger and more determined to get it done.
I made him walk across the stage. He didn't really want to. I told him he needed to. His parents needed to see him do that, his kids needed to see him do that. He needed to do it so it felt real for him. I think he kind of wanted to do it but doesn't like us to make a big deal out of him.
So we sat (for a really long time) and we watched him walk across that stage and get his diploma. We cheered loudly for him. We hugged him. We took pictures. We had a celebration lunch. We made a big deal out of him.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Kicked
Every so often a person gets kicked in the heart. All through life. There's no way to completely avoid it. These kicks are a part of life. They make me stronger. They keep me prayful. They remind me of how human I am.
Sometimes it's a little thump and I have to pause for a moment and go about my business.
Sometimes it's stronger. I have to hold my breath because it's painful and I'm not sure of my footing in life.
Sometimes it completely knocks me over. I hold on tight to everything around me because I'm not sure how I'm going to survive. Sometimes those kicks to the heart can be life-altering.
Sometimes people kick your heart without any intention.
I got kicked this week. It wasn't a life altering kick, but it wasn't a little thump either. It was pretty painful. It still is.
Here's what I know...I will work through this kick. I will be stronger after I've worked through it. It's okay to be sad and hurt. It's okay that there won't be resolution to this. Sometimes I have to work through my feelings about it and that's resolution enough. There is a chance that this same kick may happen again. The exact same thing even. It will probably still hurt. That's okay.
Friday, December 5, 2014
My Young People
My children are growing into these amazing, wonderful young people. I could not have ever imagined how this part of our lives would feel.
When they're young, and you're just trying to survive sleep deprivation, you can't even think about getting to this point.
When they are fighting to go to bed and fighting to take baths and fighting to eat dinner, you never think about this moment.
Now, don't get me wrong...we still have the occasional fight about bed time. I still have to prod and plead to get showers done, clothes laid out, teeth brushed on a pretty regular basis at least they can do those things without me doing it for them. It's more of a supervisory role at this point.
I feel like I blinked and my kids became people. Amazing, funny, caring, endearing, young people. People who I see that have the power to change the world. Young people with independent thoughts and opinions. Young people with personalities that are fun and quirky.
Each of my kids is going in a different direction. Each of my kids is in a unique time of their lives. Some of them are further along in this journey to adulthood; emotionally, mentally, physically.
I'm so blessed to be the mom of these ever evolving young people. I am so blessed to have been a part of molding them and helping create them.
It's a bittersweet feeling to see them grow this way. I do miss their little hands and pudgy, messy faces. I miss when a magic kiss, and sometimes a band aid, would fix all their woes. I miss when they'd crawl in my lap and want a story. Sometimes I really miss how much they needed me then.
But this amazing, wonderful opportunity I get in watching them grow...I wouldn't give it up for anything. Watching them come to their own conclusions about life (as they know it), hearing their insightful thoughts on world current events, getting jobs and wanting to make their own money, being in plays and concerts and competitions...this is a whole new wonderful part of being a mom. I love watching them grow to "I'm almost taller than you, I'm as tall as you, and look mom I'm taller than you!" I love watching them make plans with their friends and going to the mall and dances and sleepovers. I really love sleepovers at our house.
I have this great opportunity to be part of something so much bigger than me. I have this amazing family that I get to watch grow and expand.
When they're young, and you're just trying to survive sleep deprivation, you can't even think about getting to this point.
When they are fighting to go to bed and fighting to take baths and fighting to eat dinner, you never think about this moment.
Now, don't get me wrong...we still have the occasional fight about bed time. I still have to prod and plead to get showers done, clothes laid out, teeth brushed on a pretty regular basis at least they can do those things without me doing it for them. It's more of a supervisory role at this point.
I feel like I blinked and my kids became people. Amazing, funny, caring, endearing, young people. People who I see that have the power to change the world. Young people with independent thoughts and opinions. Young people with personalities that are fun and quirky.
Each of my kids is going in a different direction. Each of my kids is in a unique time of their lives. Some of them are further along in this journey to adulthood; emotionally, mentally, physically.
I'm so blessed to be the mom of these ever evolving young people. I am so blessed to have been a part of molding them and helping create them.
It's a bittersweet feeling to see them grow this way. I do miss their little hands and pudgy, messy faces. I miss when a magic kiss, and sometimes a band aid, would fix all their woes. I miss when they'd crawl in my lap and want a story. Sometimes I really miss how much they needed me then.
But this amazing, wonderful opportunity I get in watching them grow...I wouldn't give it up for anything. Watching them come to their own conclusions about life (as they know it), hearing their insightful thoughts on world current events, getting jobs and wanting to make their own money, being in plays and concerts and competitions...this is a whole new wonderful part of being a mom. I love watching them grow to "I'm almost taller than you, I'm as tall as you, and look mom I'm taller than you!" I love watching them make plans with their friends and going to the mall and dances and sleepovers. I really love sleepovers at our house.
I have this great opportunity to be part of something so much bigger than me. I have this amazing family that I get to watch grow and expand.
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