Downtown Night

 I can't explain it in any other way than to say that it was my mother's intuition. I was home alone at night with the two younger kids. Something just felt off. You weren't due home yet but something felt off. 

I checked the locator app and saw that you were downtown. This is not where you were supposed to be. The locator showed that you were parked. I tried calling you, and calling you, and calling you. No answer. You had previously told us that one of your "plans" included jumping from the top of a parking garage. 

I started panic calling dad. He was in the movie theatre and after about 5 or 6 calls, he answered and I told him my fears. We called your sister, who is closer to downtown than we are. She left to pick up dad from the theatre and get to you. I couldn't leave the house because there was nobody there to watch the little one. I also couldn't get to you in time. 

The officer said, "ma'am, I don't know why but anytime the threat is real, they take off their shoes before they jump. When we got to your kid, the shoes were off. G is safe now."

All of this seemed like it took hours but I know it was probably only minutes. You had called the police so that they would get to your body, not you, just your body. You didn't tell them where you were, just what you were going to do. They found you. They brought you into safety and then took you to the hospital to meet dad there. 

You came home after your evaluation. I was floored that they would let you go but it was decided that the crisis had passed. A couple days later, it was determined that you were still in crisis and that it hadn't passed. You were admitted to the hospital for a brief stay to get you through the crisis. 

It has been over a year since this event. It's been on my mind since your birthday. It came up in a conversation I was having about not being sure if we would make it to your 19th birthday. I thought maybe if I wrote about it, I could let it go.