Blah

The anxiety left after 2 days. Two days longer than it was invited for. It left the souvenir of "blah-ness."  I told my husband I felt sad and that wasn't really accurate. I just feel blah.

And exhausted. Totally, completely exhausted. The type of exhaustion that you just feel all the way deep in your soul and there's no real need for it.

I feel clingy and want to be super close to my husband but also want to be left alone at the exact same moment.

I want to crawl in bed and sleep for days. I want to stay in the dark and just be. I know that won't actually make me feel better but maybe just a short nap? I tell my girls, "the longer you stay in bed, the harder it is to get out of bed." True statement for depression but also...just the things I feel like I want the most.

It doesn't help that I knew this would be the next feeling after riding anxiety for a couple days. It doesn't help that I know I won't go to bed right now because I have too much to do and also because I know that it will most likely just leave me more tired.

So here we are...the next phase. Neither one better or worse than the other. Neither one very welcome. Neither one scheduled on Cozi. Neither one willing to sit back on the back burner and let me truly enjoy the days.

Thankfully, they pass. All of these days pass. They don't come as frequent as they used to. They don't stay as long as they used to. They're more manageable. They exist just as I do. Moments in time.