love u 2

Actually, it's <3 u 2 but the heading won't let me save it like that.

The last text I got from my sister. It's tattooed on my wrist. It serves two purposes. 1) It writes love on my arms and 2) I forever have it with me.

"Call me if you need anything."
"I will."
"I love you sis."
"Love you too sissy."

The last conversation I had with her.

It's been almost five years since I heard her voice; almost five years since I got my last text from her.

The medical eximaner said she died between 9:00 am and 12:00 pm. I talked to her at 8:30 am. I was on my way to work. She left a full cup of coffee and the coffee pot still turned on. I think it probably wasn't long after I got off the phone with her that she died.

I have some peace in knowing that the last phone conversation, probably the last conversation that she had, was one full of love and support. She knew we were here. She knew we loved her.

I carry her phone with me. It's always in my purse, no matter which purse I have, no matter where I go. I always have that one solid thing that was her with me.

I knew she was gone when the school called and said Rey hadn't been picked up. I knew she was gone for 30 minutes before I heard the words that I never wanted to hear. I knew before I was even told. I could feel it. Or rather, I couldn't feel her alive anymore.

When I was told she was gone, I screamed. I went through many moments of belief and disbelief in a short amount of time that seemed to last forever. I told people that she wasn't really dead. That there was a mistake. That she would be fine. I yelled at the firetrucks that turned the other way that they needed to get to her. Even then I knew she was gone.

When I saw her on the gurney, I told her to stop messing around. I told her to get up. I told her this wasn't funny anymore and she needed to get up. Then I begged her to please get up. I begged her to please not be gone. Even then I knew she was gone.