The Haircut

Who knew something as simple as a hair cut, for a 7 year old, could invoke so many feelings? Well, to be fair, I did. Reyanne has wanted to cut her hair since the day she came home with us. Since everybody in our house has short hair, and she hates having her hair combed, it seems like a pretty natural thing for her to want. What's the big deal you ask? Her mother, my dear sister, would NEVER cut her hair.

Here's the deal with me...I'm not a person who really cares about hair. I never have been, I don't think I ever will be. You want it pink, blue, long, short, mohawk, shaved? Why not? It's hair and it will grow out or grow back or can be cut or can be dyed back. There are so many other things for me to freak out about, their hair is pretty much the least of my concerns.

Fast forward to every single day of combing Rey's hair and putting "pink" in it, fighting with the tangles (and the tears that come with the tangles), trying to get those pesky pony tails out when I forget to buy the ones without seams, pulling leaves out of it, figuring out what that gunky stuff is and the best way to remove it...You get the picture.

In November I took Rey to get her hair trimmed. She desperately needed to get the split ends off. It was so tangly and gnarly. She, of course, took the opportunity to repeatedly nag me about getting as much cut off as I would possibly allow. I knew that if I cut her hair too short people would be upset. Everyone knew how much Anitra loved Rey's hair. I felt like if I let her cut it too short, it would be too much too soon and just another slap in the face that Anitra was gone. I didn't want to do that to anybody. As it turned out, in order to get Rey's hair healthy, we ended up needing to take off about 3-4 inches. Rey was sad because I wouldn't let her go shorter, but I just felt like that was enough of an adjustment for everyone to handle at this time. It WAS a lot shorter but it was still pretty long.

Since then, Rey has been on me to let her cut her hair short. "I want short hair, like you and Genna and Tai," she says on a daily basis. My favorite one, the one that makes me feel bad is, "but you let EVERYONE do what they want with their hair and not ME!" Oh my gosh, it's hair! Does this have to be such a huge part of our lives? The answer, because she's 7, is yes. It really does have to be a huge deal, it really does have to be something we talk about and fuss about just about EVERY single day.

Today was haircut day. The agony of haircut day. I lost sleep over what I was going to let her do. I fretted about this to people because I just want to please everybody, every moment. I never want anyone to feel like I'm "replacing" their mother. I never want any of  Anitra's family, friends, mostly children, feel like I don't respect the loss that we have all endured. Trust me, there a LOT of decisions (really important ones) that I first ask myself what everyone else will think before I make.

That being said, Reyanne got her haircut today. She wanted chin-length, I negotiated (which basically means I told her what was going to happen) shoulder length. Did you know that when you have REALLY curly hair that it looks a lot longer when it's wet than when it's dry. I know, I know...I really did know that but was honestly shocked when I looked over to my little cutie and saw her hair bob about just about chin length. I swallowed back an emotional bubble, and the thought that Anitra would KILL me if she saw it and said, "omgosh, it's so cute!"

You know what? It really is super cute. You know what? Reyanne LOVES it! She is SO happy with her cute little hair cut. I worried what my mom would say and I worried about how Rythm would feel. Rythm said to herself, "mom would be so mad." To me, after way too long of a discussion about hair and what other people think, Rythm said "the only one who would have a right to be mad is mom and she's gone so she doesn't get to say anything about it anymore." Incredibly wise words from my very wise bonus kid!

While I will continue to worry that people will be upset and feel bad for anyone that has hard feelings about this, I will be ok because guess what? It really is just hair. It really will grow back. Most of all, Rey really does love it and feels like such a big girl with her "I got to choose" haircut.