Happy Birthday Eve (Day 7 of 30)

So day 6 of 30 is "Your 5 Favorite Songs." I love music. There is no way I could possibly try to limit my favorites to 5. I like country, classic Christian, contemp. Christian, a little 'white girl' rap, a little hip-hop, jazz...I just love music. And I wanted to write about something else tonight so...

ON this eve, as I pull the birthday brownies out of the oven, I think back to 17 years ago. I smile with warm memories. I laugh because I remember that we had not named you yet. Your mom, who needs to have EVERY detail planned out as soon as possible did not even have a name for you yet.

I blame your dad. Makes sense, right? He dislikes plans and structure as much as I crave them. He is always the last one to order at a resteraunt because he can't make up his mind about ANYTHING. So yes, I blame your father. You were his son. I wanted him to really have a say in your name.

I also knew that I could not name you the one name that he really wanted to name you. Your dad really wanted to name you Scott. I know it would have meant a lot to him for that to be your name. I was worried that if we named you Scott, it would be hard on your grandma. I worried that if I named you Scott, you might not live. I know that sounds silly but that's how this anxiety stuff works. After we had named you, your great grandma Bonnie said, "I didn't want to tell you this before but it would have been awfully hard for some of us if his first name was Scott."

So your dad and I laid in bed at 3:00 in the morning going back and forth over names. I was aiming for Max. I think there were a few other names but mostly we kept settling on some version of Trey. I started to cry and told your dad that he must not really love me if he couldn't even pick a name for you. Yeah, hormones are great when you're pregnant.

I finally said, "it's not that hard! It's pork or chicken Steve! Pick a name!"

He didn't. I fell asleep for about 2 hours. I'm not sure your dad slept that night.

We got to the hospital. It was so cold. After a whole bunch of boring stuff, they told your dad to go get dressed and they were ready to wheel me back to the operating room. I said, "WAIT! When you come into that room, I need to know if he's going to be TreySON or TreyTON!"

Treyson Scott Fankhauser, you are an absolute light in my sometimes very dark world. You make me smile with your dry humor and silly wit. I can't imagine what I ever did so right as to be blessed enough to be your mom. I am so thankful. Happy Birthday!

What Are You Afraid of? (Day 6 of 30)

I'm just going to throw out a few...these are not necessarily in order of biggest to smallest...just things I think about, or try not to think about.

1) Something happening to one of my kids...

2) Not being enough...for my kids, for my spouse, for my friends, for my life...

3) Something happening to Steve...

4) Snakes...all snakes...it's called the 's' word in our house...

5) A quiet house...

6) Too much noise...

7) Getting Alzhemeirs and forgetting my sister...

8) Other drivers...seriously, the interstate is too much...

9) Losing my teeth and not being able to afford good replacements...

10) That my kids won't remember all the fun times...

Your Proudest Moment (Day 5 of 30)

My proudest moment would be...

When Genevieve was baptized...

When Tai was accepted into, and committed to, the CIA...

When Trey was allowed to take the ACT as a 7th grader...

When Rythm safely gave birth to Rileigh...

When Ariez completed a full season detasseling...

When Reyanne danced across the stage so beautifully...

When Steve graduated from UNK..

When this family so bravely grieved the loss of someone so incredibly special to us...

When Tai and Rythm graduated from high school...

When Genevieve so bravely advocates for herself...

When Treyson performs in plays...

When Ariez is able to identify his emotions and needs...

When Steve became a supervisor for Nelnet...

When Reyanne chose to join youth group and truly begin HER journey with the Lord...

So many moments...

"What is Your Dream Job" (Day 4 of 30)

Day 4 was supposed to be yesterday but it was a busy, long day (which I'll get to in a second). Day 4's prompt is "What is your dream job?" and I can't go there right now so I'm filling day 4 with the news of yesterday.

My phone starting buzzing at 4:19 pm. I'm not off until 4:30 so I wasn't going to answer it but with all the craziness in our lives I decided I better.

Silence, well more accurately, heavy breathing is what met me on the phone.

"Trey? Trey? What's wrong?"

More heavy breathing. "Mom...I'm okay...but..."

And I knew. I knew what he was going to tell me. A parent knows, especially a parent that has been through it twice before.

So, the car is totalled, the boy is not. Praise the Lord!

I left work at 4:20 and made it to him at about 4:45. We got to the hospital about 5:45 and we were in the Taco Bell drive-thru by 7:15. Not bad.

There was a National Guardsman who had stopped to help with the accident. He was in uniform so all the cars stopped for him when he came to walk me across the busy street so I could FINALLY get to se my boy and make sure he was really okay. He said that Trey was afraid I wasn't paying enough attention to the cars and that I was going to get run over so he came over to walk me across. Trey said that gentleman was super helpful the whole time. I never got his name. He left shortly after I arrived. He wanted to make sure that my kid was okay. Our family is incredibly thankful for him.

Trey feels bad for the woman that he hit. She was almost positive that the police were going to arrest her for a) causing the accident and b) not having her driver's license with her at the time of the accident. They didn't arrest her but she did walk away with a ticket which she won't be able to take Stop Class for because it was an inury accident. Trey said he heard her on the phone and she said "he's going to kill me!" and he was worried that his giantness was frightening to her. I told him that she was probably talking about her husband because that's how wives talk when they've done something like that.

Trey has a bummed up hand. They took x-rays and said there is not an obvious break but that the tendons in his hand are so swollen that it's hard to see for sure right now. He'll wear the hard splint for 2 weeks and we'll go back for more pictures. He won't be able to work so he will have lots of time to work on homework and portfolios during Thanksgiving Break.

And...the accident wasn't his fault so if there had to be an accident, there's that to be thankful for as well.

So maybe I can go "there" about the "dream job." I'm actually living it. I am a mom and I get to be by my kid's sides when they need me to be. I get to be there when don't want me there too but that's for another day. I get to make them dinner and drive them to dance and advocate for them at school meetings and make sure they take all their medicine. That's my real job. It doesn't pay the bills, I'm thankful for the one that does also but I'm incredibly thankful for having the dream job of being a mom to some really amazing kids.

"Your Favorite Quote" - Day 3 of 30 Blog Challenge

I don't really have a favorite quote. I like a couple. I could have just changed tonight's topic because nobody else can see the list but that seems like a lot of work right now and I'm drained. It's been a long day and I'm so exhausted.

Here a few...

"True love is friendship set on fire." - I like this because there's so much truth to it. Steve is my best friend. Don't get me wrong, he's also the person who can drive me the craziest, but he's also the person who's been there through it all. We are friends first and lover's second.

"Grief is the price we pay for love"- Oh so true...grief is worth the price of love. Grief is hard, really, really hard. Totally worth every minute of it.

"Live to love and love living" - That's from my husband. It's a good one.

"I have become death, the destroyer of worlds" - this was apparently from J. Robert Oppenheimer in reference to creating the atom bomb. My son gave me this one. I'm going to think about that some more.

"There is no 'we' in 'food'" - This literally made me just laugh out loud. I was looking for quotes about food and there was one about "My favorite part of food is family..." which is really good and I will say that one of my favorite things in my house is that we eat at the table for dinner. I saw this one instead and thought it was super funny. So...there you go...

"Having somewhere to go is home, having someone to love is family, having both is a blessing." - I am insanely blessed.

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." - so much...

Okay...that's what I have today. Borrowed quotes from others and googled quotes about things that are important to me.

"20 Facts about You" - Day 2 of 30 Blog Challenge

20 Facts About You

I know...super deep, exciting stuff here...Let's see what I can come up with!

1. My middle toe is longer than my other toes. It's genetic and Steve calls them monkey toes. They look much like a hand.

2. My son, Ariez, just told me I'm a good listener. I asked him for a fact about me and that's the first thing he said. I try to be.

3. When my kids compliment me, I get all the feels. Mostly because I don't think they even notice me unless it's dinner time or need a ride somewhere so I probably put way too much value in their compliments, but they absolutely fill my bucket.

4. Homemade birthday cards are my favorite gift. My husband usually has the kids write me a note or make a card on my birthday and they are incredibly sweet and my favorite thing about my birthday.

5. My grandmother is 20 years older than my dad, my dad is 20 years older than me, I am 20 years older than my first born. She turns 20 tomorrow and I'm excited to announce that the circle has been broken. :)

6. I have had 11 surgeries...3 c-sections, 2 sections for partial hysterectomies, 1 ankle reconstruction, 1 dnc following a miscarriage, 4 laparoscopies due to endometriosis.

7. My favorite chocolate is white chocolate. My least favorite is dark chocolate.

8. My favorite Chrsistmas time treats are haystacks.

9. People think I hate the snow. I actually LOVE the snow. It's beautiful, it makes everything shiny. I have fibromyalgia and the snow, actually the cold, makes me hurt really badly. So I love the snow but only really when I can stay inside and not get near it.

10. Genevieve just said a fact about me is that I have a big heart. Anyone who knows what we have been going through lately with this girl, has to know that her statement brought a couple tears. I am trying baby girl and I know you are too.

11. Treyson said that "as of tomorrow you have been a mom for 20 years." Yes, we covered that but I'm still counting it as fact number 11.

12. I have been sexually assualted. I was 18.

13. My dream was to be a famous singer, probably country but I was super excited to do a Christmas album. I don't sing as well as I listen. :)

14. I have started, and stopped, college 4 times. Some times that makes me feel like a failure, but it actually makes me persistent. I know what I want, I just can't quite get there with all the life that keeps happening around me. I will get it someday; watch me.

15. I like being alone but not feeling lonely. So, I am really good if you leave me at home all day but you better text me so I know you're thinking about me too. Steve's a lucky man...

16. It takes every ounce of magic in me to go out socially, even if it's just family. I have a great time once I'm out but the anxiety of going keeps me from a lot of things. I absolutely hate walking into a room of people. I enjoy socializing with them once I'm there, but I hate going.

17. I have attempted suicide 6 times. Thank you God for always saving me. I know now that it's not my time. I have suicide ideation and that scares people. It's not scary. It's how my mind works. It's a part of who I am, just like the depression, anxiety, bi-polar, fibromyalgia, and endometriosis.

18. I was terrified for my little sister to turn 35. When my oldest sister was 35, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. When Anitra was 35, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. When I was 35, Anitra completed suicide. I was terrified for my little sister. I don't think anything tragic happened that year for her. I am thankful.

19. I am allergic to shellfish but only when I'm pregnant. In fact, a bad reaction to crab legs is what led me to take a pregnancy test and that's how I found out I was pregnant with G!

20. I have been pregnant 9 times, have 3 biological children on Earth, 6 in Heaven, 3 adopted children and one beautiful granddaughter (who biologically is my great-niece). Family is everything to me, even when they make me run pulling my hair out!

And there you have it. I hope some of them were interesting. For those wondering, Banana was out playing with friends and doesn't have a phone so she couldn't answer a fact about me. I think I might ask her later anyway!

"Your Blog's Name" - Day 1 of 30 Blog Challenge

(I struggle with topics but love to write so I'm "borrowing" from other's in an attempt to get my creativity wheels turning. Writing is therapy for me, even when it's not deep or personal. So I'm taking some time for a little 'self-care' and writing about things some things that really matter and some that really don't.)

The name of my blog has changed a few times. It was hard to settle on a name. Thankfully a friend helped me design it and come up with 'Eight is Enough'.

Obviously the name came from the size of our family. There were 6 kids and 2 parents and there we go. God knows at the time, I wasn't really thinking about how much our family would grow. I knew that we were done bringing children into our home. I knew that I certainly wasn't going to biologically have anymore children.

I kind of didn't think about the other ways that our family would grow. We have a beautiful granddaughter. I hope that we have many more some day. Our children have significant others (well, one child does and others will). I didn't take into account the friends that have become family. I didn't count our extended families.

I thought about changing the name of this blog, especially after Rileigh was born, but decided that we would stick with the original eight. I think when I see it, it reminds me that eight really isn't enough. We never really just eight. We've always been so much more than that. We could never put a number on the amount of love and people we include in our family.