Tired

 I am tired. The kind of tired that sucks the soul out of you. The kind of tired that no amount of sleep will cure. The kind of tired that requires love, patience, self-care, rest, and peace. 

I did spend the night eating out and last minute Christmas shopping with my hubby. That's why my feet are so tired. That's why my back is tired. That's why my legs are tired. 

My soul is tired from the year of insanity. Believe me, there were some amazing, beautiful moments this year that I wouldn't trade for the world. I would live this year over and over again to have those moments again. 

As with all things in life, there is balance. We started the year with a cancer scare and are ending the year with a pending court-case for our daughter and a pending case to protect our granddaughter. We are ending the year with a new job for one son and back to school for another son and surgery for a daughter. We end the year with a sad heart for one child and a happy heart for a granddaughter who is going to have an amazing Christmas with a special visitor. We look at pictures from vacations we were able to go on and end the year planning vacations for next year. 

So yes, there were amazing moments, lots of them but also sad moments, terrifying moments, moments we wish we would never have to re-live. These are the moments that have my soul tired. 

I'll be okay. My soul will heal, it always does. Tomorrow will come and there will be highs and lows for that day as well. Christmas will come and there will be some sad moments while we miss our loved ones that we can't be with but also really joyous moments of the family that can be together and the gifts and the meals and the remembering of the reason for this season. 

Just know that if your soul is tired, if you feel like you're on a rollercoaster and you aren't a huge fan of rollercoasters, that it's okay. Your soul will heal. You are not alone. You are worthy of each emotion and you are worthy of just saying, "my soul is tired."