Birthdays

To be honest, I wasn't positive we would be celebrating this birthday. I know that there were many times she wished that she weren't alive to celebrate it. There were so many times over the last couple of years that she just didn't want to live. She didn't really want to die all the time, she just didn't care if she lived, and sometimes she did things to try to prevent living.

She turned 15 a week ago and I was scared that we wouldn't make it to that day. I am so thankful that we were able to celebrate her here with us and not a heavenly birthday as we do each year for my sister; not a birthday in an institution either. She was able to be home with us. We were able to love on her and show her how happy we are that she is here with us. I may have even snuck in a birthday spanking.

The last couple of years have been scary as we've fought for her life. It still is some moments. We are on a journey that we don't have a very good GPS for. We pray that we will just travel safely and without too many detours. We are constantly on a detour with her. One we choose to take and one we will never stop taking, even if we have to hit a rest area every once in awhile.

I can't believe this girl is 15 already. The years go by so fast, even as they sometimes seem to drag while we're living them in the moments. G has taught me to take each day as a gift. G has taught me how to truly look at the blessings in all of the small things. G has taught me to count each small victory. G has taught me that when I think I know all that I can know, there's more to learn.