Family Update

It's been awhile, minus the Halo post, since I've blogged so I thought I'd just take a minute to update everyone on our family.

Rythm has moved home with us. As most of you know, Rythm was living with my mom annd step-father since the death of Anitra. I won't go into the details as to way she is now here beccause they aren't mine to share. I will say that being with my parents is where she needed to be then and being here is where she needs to be now. Bringing another person into the house is always an adjust. We are working with some great people in the community to try to make these transitions as painless for everyone as possible. Everyone is excited to have her home and I think she's even a little excitied to be here.

That is the biggest physical change that our family has gone through. We continue to grow emotionally and we continue to all adjust to the changes that have gone on around us. We all continue to become whoever and whatever it is we are trying to be. I will not pretend that all of these changes in our life have been easy. They're not. They are hard. They kick our emotional butts on a regular basis. Each time I think we have it figured out, there is a new wrench thrown in.

Personally, I struggle the most with finding my new identity without Anitra. I struggle to figure out where I, as an individual woman, fit into the new roles I have embraced. Being the mother of 6 is tough. Being the wife of the father of 6 is tough. I have my really good days, and I have my really bad days. I'm learning who I am. I am learning about my own strength. I'm learning about my own limits.

As much as this is not the life I had ever imagined, I wouldn't give it to anyone else to live. Don't get me wrong. If I could have my sister back and rewind the last few months, I would. I would give almost anything to have her back. I would give anything to not see any of these babies hurt this way. I wish they didn't have to experience such pain and loss. I know I can't have those things. I know that we will embrace the new life that we have been given and do the best we can with it. We will make mistakes and we will do things right. I will do my best to what is right by Anitra and by all of these kids. I will keep defending that and hold my children's hands through each phase of whatever life has left to give us.

So that's it...we're all here...we're all living each day the only way we know how. We stumble, we fall, and we pick each other back up. We give second and third and fourth chances, and we keep on living. There are few things I remember from the funeral but one of them that I do is that the pastor said that the life we have is to be lived in the light. Death lives in the shadows and life lives in the light. Somedays we spend more time in the shadows then we want to or then we should but in the end, we will continue to live in the light and we will continue to bring the light to our family.