A Very Special Doggo Named Jax

Jax was the best of doggos. He was an absolute perfect fit for our family. Yes, it was super annoying that he liked to escape and run as far as he could until some very sweet person would catch him and give us a call so we'd have to go get him. He frequently ended up at Casey's (I think they fed him). The phone caller always said, "he's the sweetest guy!"

He took the best pics

Yes, it was painful when he smacked you with his tail because he just had no idea how big he was or how strong his tail was. Yep, super annoying when he'd get so excited in the car that he let out this high-pitched whimper and paced through the whole vehicle, refusing to lay down no matter how much Benadryl he'd been given. 

And who could ever forget the skunk-hunting adventure he went on with Steve and G? 

But he taught us so much too. He brought so much joy. He'd always greet you at the door, well less frequently in the last few months because when he lost his hearing, he couldn't always tell that you had arrived. He loved popcorn and as much as we tried to teach him not to beg for it, it was pretty hard to tell him no when he was standing right in front of you, sitting and just waiting for you to toss him a handful. 

He was a really important lesson in trust. When we got him, shortly after Anitra died, Ariez was terrified of him and we told Ariez that he could trust us and that we would never bring something into the home that would hurt him. This boy, who was crying and cowering in the corner when we brought Jax in, was best friends with the dog by the end of the week. 

He was ridiculously patient. He was not a huge fan of Rileigh when she first arrived and was less excited about her when she got mobile. Many times she chased him around, bopped him on the head and sat on him. While he did his best to get away from mobile Rileigh, he never once growled at her or nipped at her. 

He LOVED bones. When Jax had a bone, of any sort, you knew to let him have his space. The one and only time a child ever was bitten was when Trey dropped a chicken bone and tried to retrieve it at exactly the same time Jax discovered it. He really only got into it with the other little dogs if there was a bone involved. 

Jax loved to run. Even as he got older and it would hurt. He would come home with his legs shaking because he'd run so hard at the dog run. Some of his ashes will go to the dog park because that was truly one of his favorite places to go. He also liked to run out the door if he got the chance. He had his very own license. It looked like a driver's license and had his contact info so that whoever was quick enough to grab him could call us. 

Jax was loyal, his favorite people being Gordon and Steve. He will be so very missed.

They say all dogs go to heaven but I think there is probably a really special place for the really good dogs. Jax took his last breath on Wed night around 6:45 after collapsing at home about an hour earlier. We knew that we would be saying goodbye sometime. At his last vet appointment about 3 weeks ago they gave him some pain meds so that we could keep him comfortable. He was surrounded by love in his passing as Steve, Gordon, Reyanne and I all petted him as they administered the meds to help him rest peacefully. 

Saying Goodbye

Thank you Jax for always being exactly what we needed, when we needed it. Thank you for all the lessons that you taught us and for all the memories we will carry with us. Thank you for your unconditional and unwavering love. Run in Paradise big boy. 

Love Grows Best...

 The quote is, "Love grows best in small houses". I sincerely hope that's not true because we have moved into a HUGE house! It's kind of a dream house. The kitchen is huge with double ovens, a gas stove, and a big island. There's also a space in there for a "breakfast nook" but I think we have decided that less is more and we won't be putting a table in there but stands with plants. There's a basement apartment, two living rooms (one has been turned into an office), and a gigantic dining room. It has plenty of bedrooms for everyone and 4 1/2 bathrooms. That bathroom thing is a saving grace for sure if you're going to have 9 people living in one house! 

A couple of reasons for this big house at this point in our lives. The first one is pretty non-traditional. Tai, Jake, Steve, and I all decided that it would be great if we all lived together. We weren't sure this would ever be a reality because while we all wanted to live together, we all also wanted some of our own space. I realize that in today's society, it's not very common for this type of multi-generational living, but see, WE are not really all that common. :) 

The second reason is that I have realized that I am NOT the mom that can just boot her kids out. I don't think I ever will be. So while we should be downsizing as our children get older, we are upsizing because the bigger they get, the more space they need. We have some kiddos with some pretty significant needs. Those needs make it mostly necessary for them to live at home right now and for the foreseeable future.

Steve and I are here for it. This is the path that God has pointed us in, and this is the path that we will follow. We both feel like we are exactly where we are supposed to be at exactly the time that we are needed. We always want to be a safe place for our kiddos to land. We also want to be comfortable in that safe haven. :) 

We also didn't think that we'd be raising any of our grandchildren but here we are. It is a choice we made, just like we made the choice to grow our family when Anitra died. It CAN be absolutely exhausting but it is also so rewarding and we certainly feel blessed. It also made me realize that I don't want to miss anything with Wyn. So far I have gotten to see him learn how to come up the stairs and got to feel his first tooth poke through! I absolutely love getting to say goodnight to him each night and love that he, Rileigh, and the dogs typically greets me at the door when I come home from work. 

Here's to hoping that love also grows in big houses because I cannot wait to see the memories that we make in this beautiful new home. 

Ann Arbor

 It started as a joke. "Tai, you cannot take W with you to Michigan because I will miss him too much." Of course, she argued with me that they could, and would, take W with them. I wasn't expecting, "Mom, just come with us." 

I laughed and said that wasn't possible and that I didn't want to be a 3rd wheel on their vacation and how could I leave Dad and R and the rest of the crew for 4 days and on and on. 

I went to Michigan with them. I told people it was so I could help with W since they would be driving through the night while he slept and they would need someone to hang out with him when they slept and he was super awake. That WAS actually the plan but it didn't really happen like that because I couldn't fall asleep in the car and J got sick. 

So late on a Thursday night, we loaded up and headed for Ann Arbor. W did great! He woke up a few times but then would settle back in with his bottle and live aquarium feeds on YouTube. Each time he'd wake up, he'd give me a look like "Why are you still here?!"

Lots of laughing, a stop at the World's Largest Truck Stop on I-80, a VERY early morning breakfast at Denny's where I actually made Tai pay for a coffee cup instead of her just sticking it in her diaper bag. There were some weird conversations, one in particular about a rotating cow that made me "mad" because I got sucked into the silliness of it all. Oh, and by the way, never, never, ever eat sushi from a truck stop at 4:00 am. It will stick with you for a bit. 

Once we got to Ann Arbor, we had a quick lunch at Shake Shack and headed to the hotel to get checked in. We stayed at The Graduate because that's where L works and she got everyone a discount. It was super cute, although possibly haunted? After being awake for 36 hours, and some Detroit-style pizza, it was finally time to get some sleep. 

Saturday morning started with L's baby shower, the whole reason for the trip. It was beautiful. L & T got some great things for them and the baby, we played a couple of games and had some of the best pineapple I've ever tasted. We went to the lounge for lunch and then a quick nap. T & J went out for dinner that night leaving W and I on our own. We went on a walk around the neighborhood and had some of the most delicious salmon ever tasted, once again at the lounge in the hotel. W gave me the silent treatment for part of the evening because he was mad that I had to put him back in his stroller to go back to our room. It's a good thing he's so cute because boy does he have some attitude. 

On Sunday we walked around downtown and enjoyed a Farmer's Market, way more like a craft fair but it was really neat. We had some great Mexican food and ice cream and got some souvenirs for everyone. After another short nap at the hotel, we headed back to another section of downtown and had dinner. Since it was Father's Day, we let J pick the spot and he did well. They had these HUGE bowls of pho and I went with a bibimop that had some great flavor. 

On Monday, it was time to say goodbye to Ann Arbor. We loaded up and hit the road toward Chicago. I think W had finally gotten used to seeing me every time he looked around. I loved every minute of spending time with him and getting to see him discover how to clap and all his sloppy kisses and giggles. We stopped in another cute little town for lunch at an old tavern/hotel. The food was ridiculously priced but tasty. 

Once in Chicago, we walked all around Millennium Park. Saw and touched the Bean, W absolutely loved such a big mirror. He got to swing and slide and mom played with him in the splash ground just enough for him to have wet hair. We worked our way to Garret's Popcorn and if you know, you know, and if you don't know, you need to! Minus the availability of public bathrooms, it was a great adventure. We then had our Chicago-style deep dish at Giordano's and waddled our way back to the parking garage to head back to Nebraska. 

T did an amazing job getting us safely through Chicago both ways. It might have been a little fast for my liking sometimes but I was grateful for her skill to maneuver us through the heavy traffic. 

For something that started as a joke and ended in a 4-day trip full of lots of walking and lots of relaxing and lots of laughter and lots of yummy food, I'd definitely be willing to make that joke again. 

Now we are back to reality and the boxes are piling up as we get ready for our big move. 

Rally Coach

 Only writing this for accountability. Will publish but not share on social media. I either need to get serious about weight loss without surgery or I need to fulfill my requirements for surgery. 

I received an email from our insurance about a program called Rally Coach. It's offered free for one year. Steve and I are going to jump on this opportunity to try to do better. Writing down my motivation by prompts from the site. 

1) Why did I sign up for Real Appeal? It came to me in an email and I thought, "What do I have to lose?"

2) What makes improving your health and losing weight important to you? I want to be healthier. I want to look better and feel better. I would love to be able to lose some of my meds and most importantly my CPAP machine. I want my grands, and my kids, to see me living a quality life and not one of being in pain all the time. 

3) What are the top five reasons these outcomes are important to me? 1-I want to have more energy;  2-I don't want my grands embarrassed by me; 3-I want to be around for a long time but only with a good quality of life; 4-I want to lose my CPAP - I hate that stupid hose!; 5-I don't want to feel full and sick all of the time. 

4) How would my life be different if I achieve this? I would not carry around the shame and guilt that I do about my body. I would feel more comfortable in my clothing and my surroundings. I would be healthier and be able to participate more in my life and the lives of those around me. 

So this is me...day one...again...

2023 Vacation - Lake Okoboji

I planned a team retreat to Lake Okoboji for my office and their families. Steve and I decided, with permission from my boss, to include the rest of the kids since Jake, Tai, and Wyn were part of the work crew. The other 5 stayed at a hotel in a nearby town and joined us for activities and meals. 

Day One - a little stressful. I was feeling a lot of pressure because I was in charge of the resort reservations, dinner, and getting groceries for everyone's individual/group rooms. We got out of town later than intended and had longer stops than anticipated. Such is the case when traveling with 12 people in 3 cars. 

We made it for dinner reservations JUST in time and had an amazing meal at the one resort's dining spaces. I had an appetizer for dinner and tasted the rest of my family's meals. For the record, you can NEVER go wrong with cheesy shrimp scampi. 

Once everyone was checked in and groceries were picked up and distributed, I was able to actually relax and feel like vacation was on! 

Day Two - the resort we stayed at had an indoor and outdoor waterpark and the plan for day two was to just enjoy those! The outdoor pool had a swim-up bar and the drinks were cold and fruity! Steve and the bigs enjoyed the very steep water slide. The little girl enjoyed the much smaller water slide and enjoyed the leap pads and friends. The baby loved being in the water and found himself asleep in his floaty later that afternoon. 

That night for dinner, I had made reservations for a local Mexican restaurant. This team LOVES their chips and queso. Trey ordered something I'd never seen or heard of before. It was a lot of very spicy food. Steve challenged Tai and me to try it so we each had half of a shrimp dipped in the spicy sauce. It was delicious but I could not have handled more than a bite!

Day Three - Our team held a team meeting (tax write-off) while Steve and Tai took several littles to the Farmer's Market. It sounded like a lot of fun and as nice as the team meeting was, I would have loved to see the market as well. Oh...bonus for the morning was super yummy donuts that I ordered the night before and they were delivered right to the lobby of our resort! 

Steve, the kids, and I (plus bonus kiddo) ate lunch at a cute little local place with only outdoor seating. We then headed to the amusement park where we rode tons of rides. Well, they all rode a bunch of rides, I mostly prefer to watch but did ride the Log Ride and the train. We also enjoyed funnel cake! 

That evening, Steve and I ditched the kiddos and had some alone time. We ate another fantastic meal at one of the resort dining options. We took a little trip down to the docks and then ate dinner waterfront. We had the most delicious salmon, scallops, and giant shrimp. 

Day Four - back to the water park! Steve, Rileigh, and Gordon enjoyed the indoor water slide this time. We relaxed on the lazy river and had a couple more yummy drinks from the swim-up bar. It was then time for Tai and Jake to have some grownup time so we took Wyn and the kiddos to town. We went through a cute little shopping emporium and then had Chinese food in town. 

Day Five - time to head home but first...we must boat! The bigs decided to share the cost of renting a pontoon for a couple of hours. Almost everyone had a great time! We all took a turn driving, even Wyn and Rileigh! A bunch of us actually jumped or climbed into the lake and floated around for a little bit. Sad to say that Wyn was not a huge happy boy on this adventure, probably because of his life jacket. Gordon is also not a huge fan of open bodies of water but he did ok. 

We had a great trip! A family vacation is always a great reprieve! 

May 2023 Family Update

 Wow...has it really been since January that I posted last? I have all these ideas for a blog post but then get in my head about them and then never get them done. Then I blog for several days and then I'm off for another extended amount of time. It's a good thing my blog doesn't pay the bills. :) 

I'll start with a family update...youngest to oldest....

Wyn is an absolute joy. He continues to grow and is so close to being able to crawl! We are really going to have to start baby-proofing this house soon! At a little over 7 months, it's been fun introducing new foods to him, even if he scares us sometimes with this whole baby-led feeding thing. He loves to "help" me cook and sits in his highchair while I bake or make dinner. 

Tiny Human is growing up so much. She loves gymnastics and swimming and science! She is always telling me facts about things and I will admit that sometimes I have to look them up to make sure they're true. Not surprisingly, they almost always are. She has a great mind for big concepts!

Rey is just about to graduate! A whole year early! She has worked super hard to secure all of her credit hours. She's taken summer classes her entire high school career and has doubled up on elearning classes. After kind of a rough fall, it's been great to see her turn things back around and be ready to graduate in less than a month! It's so hard to believe that this girl is already 17 and about to embark on a whole new adventure. 

Gordon has gone back to school starting at SCC! He has also started a new job at PetSmart and is learning all the ways to groom dogs. He has gotten very involved with his church and is volunteering on a couple of different committees. I am SO happy that he has found a spiritual home where he feels loved and welcomed just as he is. 

The 22-year-olds are working away and working towards becoming more and more independent. Trey has been looking hard for a suitable place to rent and is ready to move out! Ariez is too but he's got a few other things that he's working on right now too. He took a refresher driver's ed course and is trying really hard to find an inexpensive car. Once he has that, he too will be looking for his own place. 

Tai and Jake have done some really exciting things lately. I think I told you about Tai's new job at Cedar's and now Jake works in my office as a Client Service Liason. He's learning the ropes of the financial advising industry and plans to get licensed in the near future. He's been a great addition to our team. I feel a little bad for the guy because he's stuck with me at work and outside of work. Tai continues to work on her associate's degree, works full-time, and has her own crafting business. She's a super busy momma/wife! :) 

We've also added to our family by "taking in" one of the kids' friends who just doesn't have the support he deserves from his biological family. His name is Cole and he's a great addition to our already crazy crew. He will be graduating with Rey and we are excited to be able to support and assist this wonderful young man in this part of his journey. 

Steve and I just celebrated our 22 wedding anniversary. We were able to get away from the house and kids and actually go out to dinner alone. Steve is ALMOST done with his degree! He's just busy, busy, busy all the time so it was a nice treat to be able to have him all to myself for a couple of hours. 

That's all kids...I'll write about some individual things in posts coming up. 

BS 7 - Psych Appt

This is where things get real for me. I knew leading up to this appt that I had one of two options. I could give my standard "things are fine" responses and pass the eval or I could get real about the state of my mental health and struggles and face a potential delay in surgery.

I didn't really know how I was going to answer the questions until they were asked. The doctor asked about my current state of things and I paused. I looked at my phone and saw the picture of R & W and started to cry. This surgery journey is about getting healthy so that I can live longer and enjoy more of my grandchildren. If I don't address my mental health, along with my physical health, what is the point? 

So I answered honestly. "I'm not okay." The very kind doctor stopped. He took a breath. He said, "I'm sorry things are hard right now. I want you to see a therapist. And if you can't find a therapist, call me and I will listen and help." 

We made a safety plan, something I haven't needed in a really long time. He made a follow-up appointment. I made an appointment with a therapist. 

Yes, there will be a little delay in surgery clearance. Yes, it will be totally worth it. Yes, it's hard. It's hard to say "I'm not okay", it's hard to need help, and it's hard to put my mental health a priority. I'm also convinced that it's the only way I want to have surgery. No amount of weight loss will matter if I can't enjoy life and my family and myself.