This is where things get real for me. I knew leading up to this appt that I had one of two options. I could give my standard "things are fine" responses and pass the eval or I could get real about the state of my mental health and struggles and face a potential delay in surgery.
I didn't really know how I was going to answer the questions until they were asked. The doctor asked about my current state of things and I paused. I looked at my phone and saw the picture of R & W and started to cry. This surgery journey is about getting healthy so that I can live longer and enjoy more of my grandchildren. If I don't address my mental health, along with my physical health, what is the point?
So I answered honestly. "I'm not okay." The very kind doctor stopped. He took a breath. He said, "I'm sorry things are hard right now. I want you to see a therapist. And if you can't find a therapist, call me and I will listen and help."
We made a safety plan, something I haven't needed in a really long time. He made a follow-up appointment. I made an appointment with a therapist.
Yes, there will be a little delay in surgery clearance. Yes, it will be totally worth it. Yes, it's hard. It's hard to say "I'm not okay", it's hard to need help, and it's hard to put my mental health a priority. I'm also convinced that it's the only way I want to have surgery. No amount of weight loss will matter if I can't enjoy life and my family and myself.
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